The Kardashian Kuntastrophy

You ever just read about something and just get PISSED? I fucking hate these whores. I hate their stupid show, I hate their idiot followers on Twitter, I hate OK magazine for paying them thousands of dollars for NOTHING, and I hate the fact that this is the best America has to offer.

The English royal wedding was a classy affair that was viewed by the world. It was swank, elegant, and regal. The fact that the bride's sister didnt wear panties under her dress was even better. I think her ass got more attention than the bride. Thats how it should be but I digress....

This fucking shit show is America's version of a royal wedding and I can easily see why every other country on earth hates us. Our idea of an important wedding is three semi-literate fat armenian whores who have a television show about shopping, fighting, and eating. Two of them have never seen a white dick in their lives. Now let me make this perfectly clear. I have no problem that they only jump on black dicks, but it bothers me that there always has to be a record contract or a fucking basketball involved. No scientists, accountants, or engineers.

Just athletes and rappers. Ugh.

Their mom at least has the balls to be out in front, proudly representing the transsexual community and we should be proud of her. It cant be easy to raise three completely materialistic and worthless whores, one of whom is a fucking behemoth of neanderthal proportions. Jesus, look at the picture. Khloe towers over her idiot sisters and is probably itching to jump on that fucking wedding cake and stuff her cheeks like a rabid chipmunk.

As for the groom in this shitty wedding, who I had to google, he hasnt had any major scandals, but he still doesnt escape Voltaire's wrath. Basketball scholarship to Duke University right after high school? Fuck you pal.....At that age, I was working in a shitty drugstore and wondering if i was going to have to pay for sex for the rest of my life. Not all of us can be record breaking swimmers and athletes.

I hope Khloe chews on an electrical cord after mistaking it for licorice and sets the goddamn house on fire. FUCK THE KARDASHIANS.

I heart religion

This is how the next conversation will go when the Jehovahs Witnesses come to my door:

JW: Greetings neighbor, are you ready to meet Christ in Heaven?
Me: Well according to Harold Camping, Ill get my chance Saturday. He’s pretty convincing, with people leaving their families and all.
JW: He is what we call a false prophet.
Me: So let me get this straight, your version of an invisible Jewish Zombie that feeds his flesh and blood to his followers is the right one as opposed to the 21 other major religions in existence? Pretty confident aren’t you?
JW: We believe in God’s will. He works in mysterious ways.

JW: And if you aren’t saved, you will be cast into the pits of hell for all eternity.
Me: Where is hell, geographically? North of the Equator? Karl Rove’s house?
JW: Hell is not of this earth.
Me: Can you fuckers ever answer a logical question with a straightforward answer? So you are telling me now that I am going to be cast into another dimension if I don’t go along with your cult and pay you guys 10% of my earnings for life so that your alleged leaders can use it for hookers and blow?

JW: Hell is not of this Earth. It is where sinners are punished for eternity.
Me: So now God is casting souls into another dimension? What, is he using the time space continuum? Does the Federation know about this, cause the Romulans are going to be pretty pissed.

JW: God is not to be mocked, you were created in his image.
Me: Now you went too far. So you are saying that God likes pornos and drinking hard liquor as much as I do? That’s a stretch. I find that about as hard to believe as Kirstie Alley sashaying her fat ass this far in Dancing With the Stars.

JW: Don’t you want to be saved and reunited with your loved ones in heaven?
Me: I got news for you, most of my family that have passed on have been deviants and drug addicts with no morals or goals in life. Considering that many of them have been dead for 20+ years, they probably look like Rocky Dennis at this point so no.
My version of heaven involves Jordan Carver in a French maid outfit serving me grapes while Taylor Stevens rubs my feet and gives me lap dances. The muslims have a pretty sweet deal with the 99 virgins, but personally, I like a girl that has actually put some miles on the chassis, to be honest.

Me: You had your spiel, here’s mine, the basic ideals of religion have been around for centuries in order to promote order, reduce crime, and to govern an ignorant populace with fear of the unknown. Every religion has committed atrocities in the name of their God at some point in their history, from ceremonial sacrifice, to pedophilia, to rampant graft and corruption. Religious leaders used to burn scientists and philosophers alive because their teachings refuted beliefs.

At the highest levels of any organized religion is widespread corruption and abuse of power, I can cite Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, Oral Roberts, Pat Robertson, Several Popes, and many, many deviant priests to start with.

Me: My final contention is this: Faith is a beautiful thing, it keeps us alive, civil, and gives us hope in uncertain times. But after listening to idiots like Kirk Cameron and Harold Camping, I realize one thing:

If God really wanted us to believe, he would have mentioned dinosaurs in the Bible. Good day to you (Slamming door shut)