More absofuckinglutely craziness from the workingdouche

Doesnt this shit make your skin crawl? I can picture this guy driving an ice cream truck around blasting NPR and wearing a Slipknot mask with a dildo for a nose.

Man's destructiveness to his surroundings, to encompass even the environment that keeps
him alive, which, by definition includes his fellow men - AND WOMEN!, and his destructiveness
to even himself is well documented, and comes to encapsulate, and be defined as: History.
The story of the human race, like the story of in incelebrate (read: those being without brains)
is writ, i.e. "written" in our language just as sure as the story of these "incelebrates" is writ
in bones. The last chapter of Stacey's life, and Amber Inaspic's life is the story told in
the laying about, the disposition, of theys bones. This is where their story ends, and ours
continues. How it will continue depends on the how one reads the bones, the detritus. There
is nothing more eloquent that the Catholic Mass, in which it is annunciated, to wit, it is qouted
for you - YOU! and many, for the remission of The Remaindor'z Sins ~

"By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return."

These words should shock nobody - NOBODY! Since the human race is so repleat with his
own destructive tendencies, it should come, is wall, as a shock to nobody - NOBODY! that
the new album by the Broken Bells is nothing more'n (read: in truth, ~ "mourn", 'r 'more than -
THAN!) a soundtrack to the dissolution, and destruction of the only great rock band on the
Ellis landscape, left. Van Halen is gone, R.E.M. is over - OVER!, Wilco is well succumbed to
the unconstrained and flaccid ego of what's his name, Bruce Springsteen is becoming what
is expected to become of a Jewish man of his age 'n attainment, U2 teeters (read: as opposed,
of course, to 'rattling and humming'), .38 Special is still cranking out post-Lynard Skynard
tributes while the south - THE SOUTH! still burns, and mothers down there still somehow
manage to impart on daughters just what is it they do, and how they do it, And How They
Do It, AND HOW THEY DO IT, AND HOW THEY DO IT!. Nobody rocks any more. In any one
given Saturday night, back in the day, which was defined just as much by the over-amped
glare of the Beatles and Rolling Stones shiney new equipment on the Ed Sullivan Show stage,
ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW STAGE! as were we defined by the stoccato crack of the Italian
6.5mm Manlicher-Carcano rifle at John F. Kennedy, at a range that wood shock most people.
We, - YOU! of that generation instantly sublimated the sound of those three cracks, and morphed
them of course into the sound of Rock 'n Roll just as surely as today those sounds are
being morphed into the muffled cries of the "wonded doves of Sand Dog Blow 'N Go and
the clapper which you use, at the end of yet another day, same 'ole, same 'ole, too
cool for school, to turn off the lights.


- the workingman

To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me.

Leprechaun-garbed holdup suspect among 2 shot dead

By TRAVIS LOLLER, Associated Press Writer

Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 3:46 p.m.

GALLATIN, Tenn. — Two bank robbery suspects, including one dressed in a green leprechaun costume, were shot dead after a St. Patrick's Day chase and shootout with police in Tennessee, authorities said.

First State Bank in the Nashville suburb of Gallatin was held up by a man who wore a green costume and carried a large-caliber gun at 12:28 p.m. Wednesday, said Sgt. Bill Storment, a spokesman for the Gallatin Police Department.

Sharon Riehemann (REE'-muhn), manager of the Fifth Third Bank next door, said the costumed man - wearing a green top hat, vest and shorts and a fake brown beard and wig - had come into her bank a few minutes before the robbery. The lobby was crowded with lunchtime customers.

"He started to come in, then looked at his watch, then turned around and left," she said. She didn't see a weapon or anyone with him.

He walked toward the other bank, and then a couple of minutes later he ran out of the bank with a blue bag in his hands, Riehemann said.

Police said two men were in the car that sped away, and they fired at police during the chase, disabling one police car. Storment said the two ditched their vehicle and ran into a field near a subdivision. They were killed while exchanging fire with officers, he said.

No officers were injured, and money was recovered from the suspects' vehicle, he said. Police wouldn't say how much money was taken from the bank. There were no injuries at the bank.

Storment said police are still trying to identify the two men. The officers involved in the shooting are on administrative duty while the investigation continues.

The case was reminiscent of the Dec. 22 robbery in Nashville when a man dressed in a Santa suit - including hat, beard and mustache - held up a SunTrust Bank, demanding money from the teller at gunpoint. No arrests have been made in that case.

---

Goddammit, thats what I was going to wear to my job interview!

I usually try not to use the word "faggot" except in special circumstances. It's like the N word, it makes me feel like a dick.

But goddamn, Adam Lambert, you look like you just got a position as a Professor of Faggot college, teaching Faggotry 203 and the syllabus just reads, LICKING JUICY COCKS.

Who the fuck makes it a life goal to weigh 1000 pounds?

Some nutcase woman in Jersey announced that she is trying to hit 1000 pounds and her husband is ok with this. Is this what happens when we try and be all sensitive to how fat people are really getting? I mean fuck man, I live in SD which is just about the most fickle goddamn city in America, second to LA and I see so many fat fucks, that I have to wonder why I even bother working out. I hope this dumb bitch chokes at Burger King while stuffing her lazy face. She has a wonderful website in which guys pay money to watch her eat. After seeing a few pics, I really wanted to hit the gym. Someone just told me that the pic above is Kirstie Alley. Like theres a fucking difference. Her compulsive eating ass is only a svelte 320, yet she has a new line of diet products. I am really hoping that when you tear off the label, it says Trimspa underneath. We know how that one ended up.

Scariest person lurking on Craigslist

For some time now, a freak named the workingman has been haunting the Craigslist San Diego Rants and Raves section. You ever read something and just know that there is probably a skull on the author's dinner table? That he probably has tasted human flesh on more than one occasion? Seriously, I read this shit and want to call the FBI. Here is an excerpt from this creepy fuck:



The Herman's Hermits said it, really well, when they said, of course, to wit ~

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight
All over the world you can hear the sounds of lovers in love
You know what I mean
Just the two of us and nobody else in sight
There's nobody else and I'm feeling good just holding you tight

If any man - or WOMAN! thinks, in Poway or Scripps or in, even, Bernie's
Ranch, that they, at one time or another, haven't thought about those days of
yore (parens.: as in, of course, where, oh where are the snows of yesteryear),
and so on and so forth, that they, themselves have not, for many ages, eons,
many moons if you live out in Casino Country, that it has certainly been a long
time since you sunned yourself there, on the sunny hillscape, there, - THERE!
you were, at 18, or 18, or 18, with your first sweetheart, and she's like only
maybe, something in the area of, sort of like, what - WHAT! ever, 18, maybe,
or 18, 18 perhaps, and what are you two, you first sweethearts off the first
drip of dew off a melon, in between the time you're - YOU! are sipping a
chocolate sundae, or snowboarding at Cahoots, playing in the - YOUR! Junior
High School Pygmalion Pagent, for, yea - YEA! in between those innocent times
you both are in the back of the equipment shack behind the football field
both going at each other so fast and furious that that - THIS! kind of porn
is yet to have it youTube or whereever. If any man alive denies this, you're
- YOU! are full of SHIT! I'll say it again, to wit ~

if you, or any man denies this, you're - YOU! are full of SHIT!
If You, Or Any Man Denies This, You're - YOU! Are Full Of SHIT!
IF YOU, OR ANY MAN DENIES THIS, YOU'RE - YOU! ARE FULL OF SHIT!
IF YOU, OR ANY MAN DENIES THIS, YOU'RE - YOU! ARE FULL OF SHIT!

The Author (parens.: The Great Man) was kicking it with his 15 year old girlfriend
back in the day, and so was every single other man of substance at Bernie's Ranch,
Poway, Scripps or anywhere else, and of course the secret, made "writ", as in
"written" in Svwarovka Crystal or whathaveyou, that gives the world it's particular
whiff, or stench, or stank, is that you - WE! all knew that she had to have it. This
is why, is it not that mother's down Imperial Beach let theys daughters storm out
the door to Mar Vista with jeans so tight you could off throw less than at least
something like what - WHAT! ever, less then a gallon of paint thinner on them
and those jeans would dissapear and she'd be going off down the road to
Junior High in nothing but a tea-bagging thong color'd pink, or pink and black,
or pink and black and red, to wit ~

color'd pink, or pink and black, or pink and black and red
Color'd Pink, Or Pink And Black, Or Pink And Black And Red
COLOR'D PINK, OR PINK AND BLACK, OR PINK AND BLACK AND RED
COLOR'D PINK, OR PINK AND BLACK, OR PINK AND BLACK AND RED!

John Garder, it is well known, because he does come from you, from
"ya'll", in the local Sand Dog Blow 'N Go shitkicking vernacular, could off
just signed up for a website and gotton as much Asian or Latino singles
he needed. Why he did not do this is the question - THE QUESTION! that
residents would be well off to ponder.


- the workingman

Spencer and Heidi trapped in burning car, rescuers unable to reach them

Then I woke up with the biggest erection ever. Its no big secret that most Hollywood actors and actresses are worthless, talentless, egotistical pieces of shit, but these two manage to offend Voltaire more than most. Some molecular chemist could discover an enzyme that will prevent cancer and it will remain relegated to scientific journals and maybe five seconds on a local news affiliate.

Heidi Montag walks on the beach and its the fucking cover of OK, People, and Depressed Fatass Housewife Weekly. A front page CNN story will appear, and people will discuss it over their breakfast for a week.

Please god, do not let them reproduce. It is my hope and dream that years of cocaine and surgery have genetically altered her uterus and rendered her unable to reproduce her bastard spawn upon the earth.

The fact that she is going to be in a movie saddens me. Any movie she appears in should have the words, "Bangbus" "Japanese Bukkake" or "Snuff" in it.

The Doucheacalypse

Let it be said, that I am a fair minded chap, with nothing but hope and well wishes for humanity. But in the stars, I see the impending signs of doom. I surmise a theory…………..

The Douches know something. Much like their dinosaur brethren whom were simple brained and ample muscled, the Douches are aware of an impending cosmic shift. A cataclysmic event that will curry the intellectual scale in their favor.

The signs are plentiful:

1. Kansas City closes half their schools.
2. MMA Training Facilities everywhere.
3. Colleges raising tuition every year to discourage attendance.
4. The cojoining of Tito Ortiz, popular MMA fighter, and Jenna Jameson, porn star. Their birth of twins ensues maximum genetic damage and a predilection for jobs pumping gas.


When shit goes down, it is going to be Mad Max times 100. Why do you think these juiceheads are working out like crazy and learning Brazilian Judo? These fucking idiots are going to have to fight for survival. Once the event goes down (asteroid, contagious ebola, tony danza reruns) and most of mankind is gone, we will be witness to horrible events:

1. Scientists and Engineers will have to build giant robots in order to safely walk the streets and to disperse feral packs of Von Dutch wearing mouth breathers. “I’m telling you boys for the last time, I don’t have any Red Bull Extreme. Get the fuck away from me before I release cluster bombs.”

2. Chaos will ensue as thousands of Jersey Shore watching, juicers wait outside of Cheetahs for the last couple of blonde/brunette streaked strippers to emerge. Many will die as they rip each other apart in a futile attempt to attract a mate for their retarded offspring.

3. Much like that statue of Saddam in the middle of Baghdad, a huge statue of Christian Audiger will appear in the middle of Downtown San Diego. The Douches will pay homage to it by fist pumping five times a day, like some kind of Douchebag pilgrimage.

4. Grocery stores will cater to the needs of the new proletariat by only selling raw beefsteaks, Monster 60 ounce jugs, and Slim Jims. Vegetables will be a distant memory.

5. Freeways will be full of mohawked helmet wearing retards going 175 on their street bikes, and fast and furious Civics that can now reach speeds of 160.



And in the midst of mans final collapse and ultimate end after a millennia of technological advancement,

The Situation is voted President of the United States. I think you can guess who some of his staff picks are going to be.

Kaytee Carter might be God's gift to men

In case you haven't heard, Kaytee Carter is a Score Magazine covergirl who also lives in this fair city. I bumped into her randomly (she caught me digging through her garbage for old panties) and she seemed pretty fucking cool. She grew up in Oregon, is bisexual, and plays video games. What the fuck man? Most chicks I know are busy going to Jennifer Aniston movies and trying to suck their way into an engagement ring. She told me that she just started doing webcam work on livejasmin as well. Its good to see some serious talent being displayed.

My First Book "Voltaire Lives" is almost complete

Voltaire Lives is a mid 17th century historical piece that delves into the erotic world of.............No you faggots! It's about celebrities, and dipshit politicians and half the dishrag whores in Hollywood you read about everyday. Here, for the first time in it's glory is an excerpt:


Larry Craig

Larry “where’s the glory hole?” Craig is an Idaho Senator who was just about the funniest fucking person that I got to research today. After getting an honorable discharge (snicker) from the Army, he went into politics and has constantly been in the news for his extreme interest in young boys. In 1982, he was investigated for being part of a group of Senatorial shitbags that were involved with teenage male interns and cocaine.

His rise to glory came to fruition in 2007 with an arrest at the airport. According to the hilarious police report, the airport in Minnesota had so many calls over guys hooking up in the bathroom, that they assigned plainclothes detectives to make arrests.

The detective was in a stall when Craig walked in and was peeking through the cracks in the front. That alone would have elicited a loud “WHAT THE FUCK, OLD MAN?” from Voltaire, but it just got better. Larry took the stall next to him, blocked the front with his travel bag and taking a cue from the Official Field Manual for Public Sex by Homos, started tapping his foot, which is gay code for “come service the hog.”

Leather Larry then started caressing the divider with his hand and touching the cop’s shoe with his.

At this point, I would have beaten an old man to an inch of his fucking life. Men go through a lot trying to take a deuce without some faggy 62 year old trying to give me a Roman shower.

When the cop showed him a badge, Larry got indignant and claimed that he didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

He knew what the fuck was going on. He got caught.

Bet your ass he will stick with public bathrooms and truck stops like a respectable pervert from here on.

I need a shower after writing this. Just looking at Larry’s picture made me feel live I’ve been locked in a basement with a deviant uncle for a week.

The first blog

Welcome to the official launch of the Voltaire blog. Ill be discussing celebrities, politics, the news, and of course how much I wish the Kardashians lived in on a fault line.

I want to personally thank Tiger Woods for setting a new bar for shitbaggery. I can assure you, Ill be keeping you updated to his multiracial shenanigans.